Connacht & The Only Real Quality Worth Striving For

When myths talk about 'Kings' they're actually talking about us and this story has got something to say that might just save us all.

This week in the Library Of Found Things there is a long piece of tree bark with a grain that swirled like a galaxy, broken only by the etched letters of the Ogham Alphabet. These letters reveal a secret, a quality of ‘Kings’.

There never was such a prince as Conn-eda. He embodied the goodness of his father, Conn, and his mother, Eda, and surpassed them both in kind. The Druids of the day knew this before he was born and it was they who insisted on his composite name.

Conn-eda grew up in Connacht, the mysterious and beautiful western edge of Ireland. Because of the goodness of his parents, Connacht was a place of abundance and happiness. Rivers teemed with fish, the land was heavy with crops and cattle offered their gifts of wool and milk as if it were their honour to do so.

Then Eda died. Conn-eda was just a boy and, as was the custom of the day, Conn was expected to marry again before either had expended their grief. He married, as was custom in such circumstances, the daughter of his High Druid. She made him happy for a while and she gave the impression of a Good Queen to the people of Connacht. Then her true self emerged.

She saw that the people loved Conn-eda. So much so that they stopped swearing oaths on this or that mystical object or name and, instead, swore on the head of Conn-eda. He was fair, he was pleasant and the people believed not a word of the rumours the Queen spread about him being otherwise. You see, during the years the Queen wore a mask of goodness, she had had numerous children with Conn and she was displeased that her stepson would inherit the kingdom over them.

Exasperated by the stubborn loyalty of the people, the Queen went to a Cunning Woman who lived at the edge of the woods to ask what to do. The Cunning Woman demanded a steep price in wool and grain for the information but, when the Queen agreed, she gave her a chessboard in return.

“This chessboard is enchanted to ensure that you will win the first game against any opponent. Challenge Conn-eda and put upon him a geas - an oath / obligation - to retrieve for you three things from the King of the Otherworld: his 3 Golden Apples, his Fairy Hound and his glorious Black Stallion. And if he fails to do so, his geas will require of him his exile … or his life.”

The terms of the geas were impossible and, after the Queen won the first game of chess, they were also impossible for Conn-eda to refuse. So, the young prince offered the Queen another game and the Queen, in her greed for power over Conn-eda, agreed - the greedy are often dangerously short-sighted - and Conn-eda won. So, he set the terms of his own geas for her:

“You have said that I must achieve the impossible within a year and a day. So, during my absence, you must remain at the top of the tallest tower in the castle, living off nothing more than stale bread and water until that time is up or I return successful.”

The Queen had no choice but to agree and she left for the tower. Conn-eda, however, had no idea how he was to be successful, so he travelled to the great Druid Fionn Dadhna to ask for some help. However, Fionn knew the Cunning Woman who set Conn-eda’s geas and he knew that his power and that of the god he loved was no match for hers. He promised Conn-eda that he would away to his grianan (Green Place) to pray for an answer. When he came back, he told Conn-eda to leave his princely steed here and take the shabby, old pony that was resting nearby. This magical pony knew the way to the Eánchinn-duine, a bird with two human faces and three eyes - one for past, present and future - who would help him further.

So, Conn-eda set off on the shabby pony and did as Fionn said: he let go of the reins and trusted the animal to find the way. Which it did! When they arrived at the Eánchinn-duine, and paid it with a jewel Fionn had given him, the bird told Conn-eda to look under his right foot. He did so and found a rock. Beneath the rock he found a cup and an iron ball. The bird told him to keep the cup and to throw the iron ball in front of him and it would lead him to an entrance to the Otherworld. Conn-eda mounted the shabby horse and threw the iron ball before him, where it began to roll against gravity, up hills and down valleys, until it plopped into a great freshwater lake.

Conn-eda watched the ball disappear. Then the shabby pony said, “We need to enter the water. Prepare yourself”. Swallowing his amazement, Conn-eda sat heavy in his saddle and gripped the pony’s mane. They stepped into the water and when it rose above Conn-eda’s lips he held his breath and emerged on the other side, completely dry. He opened his eyes, he breathed and looked up to see the surface of the water turned upside down and now floated above him like a reflective cloud. They had crossed into the Otherworld.

They followed the iron ball a while longer before they came to the river with three serpents called Greed, Hatred and Delusion. They spat and snapped and snarled but the horse told him to reach into one of his ears. Conn-eda did so and pulled a healing potion from one of the pony’s ears and a basket from the other. The pony told him to throw three pieces of meat from the basket into the serpents’ mouths. “Do not miss, do not fear, prepare yourself,” the pony said and Conn-eda did as he was told. When the serpents were distracted, the pony leapt across the river.

After this, they came to a vast volcano that spewed lava and fire. The pony approached its cavernous mouth and said to Conn-eda, “hold onto me, do not fear, prepare yourself.” Conn-eda did as he was told but the heat from the volcano singed his clothes and hair and skin so badly that he was barely alive when they landed on the far side. The pony told him to put the potion on his skin and, with trembling hands, he did so and was restored immediately.

Then they came to a vast city on the shore of a mysterious lake. This was the palace of the Fairy King, guarded by mysterious sentries and two towers that shot arrows of fire at any unwanted visitors. The pony told Conn-eda to dismount. He told him that there was no way of getting inside the city unless he pulled a knife from the pony’s ear and proceeded to kill and wear his skin as a disguise.

Conn-eda was horrified. They had come through so much together, he considered this strange little horse a friend, he would never be able to betray that friendship. Never! The pony looked at him and said, “if you do not, then the world will be a worse place. If you do, things will be better than you could ever imagine. I have not failed you in my advice yet. Do not fail to trust me now.”

Conn-eda, through tears and lamentation, did as his friend asked. He put on the still-warm skin and walked into the city unnoticed. Once inside, he saw a large fountain with healing waters that sparkled. He looked around and saw nobody was looking, so he reached a hand out from under the pony’s skin and dipped the cup that the Eánchin-duinne had given him. Instead of rushing to the object of his goal, Conn-eda ran out of the city with the cup teeming with magic and poured it over the skinned corpse of his companion. It steamed and cauterised but, in the pony’s place, a beautiful young man emerged and gripped Conn-eda’s shoulders.

“You did it, Conn-eda! You freed me! I was under a geas from the Queen’s own father, yes your step-grandfather! He put me in this form and nobody, not even my wise sister  - the very Cunning Woman who gave the magical chessboard to the Queen - could break it! So, she sent you because you are good!”

Conn-eda couldn’t believe his eyes or ears! The young man told him that he was also the brother of the Fairy King, who had missed him dearly for many years. They both entered the city and there was a roar of celebration from everyone who laid eyes on the lost youth. The Fairy King gave Conn-eda everything he asked for but demanded that he stay for what remained of the year and a day.

So Conn-eda stayed in the Otherworld until it was time to return. The Fairy King set him on a journey that was peaceful and with no events worthy of a story. He asked only that the young prince return at least once a year to visit. Conn-eda agreed but his heart grew heavy when he saw the devastation of his father’s kingdom when he returned. Conn had grown old and sick and the land, its rivers and cattle had all become sick too.

Conn-eda neared the castle on the last day of his geas and, when the Queen saw him approaching with a magical hound on a leash from her lonely tower, she threw herself to her death. Conn-eda walked the Black Stallion straight to his father’s orchard and planted the three golden apples there. Immediately, life came back to his father, the land and all that was in Connacht. The kingdom was restored and Conn-eda, when his father’s true time came, inherited a throne of prosperity and he continued that goodness throughout his life.

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So, here’s the part of Pop Mythology where we ask, “What was all that about?”

Well, I wasn’t there when it was written but I think … goodness? 

Hear me out! Put down that mobile phone, you’re not Ubering your way out of this emotion you cynical little dolt!

Look, Conn-eda is the kind of guy you hope your sweet little home-bird of a friend starts dating after her 6-month fling with “Mr Toxic”. But let’s face it, if your idea of a good time is any more risqué than vanilla ice-cream and comfy socks, Conn-eda is a bit dull and kings can’t be dull.

Hold on! Wow you’re antsy this week. A lot of you might - like me - be taking to all manner of New and Old Age rituals to invoke one - just bloody one - competent and boring administrator to make your country’s leader. I mean it, there’s nothing I want more these days than to not know every dirty little secret of every dirty little tyrant on the planet. To wake up and see the roads have been mended, people are taken care of and nobody is out there waving a flag for themselves for doing their bloody job would be paradise!

But I digress.

Myths - when they talk about kings and princes - aren’t talking about regents, they’re talking about souls. Particularly, our souls. The little niggling voices inside of us that say “Hey, you should ask that guy out” or “You deserve a better job, take another stab at your C.V. (Resumé, for my American friends)”.

In the case of Conn-eda, it’s the fact that he’s so very good that is so worrisome about him taking the throne. There is a certain level of realism to the character of a king. In the Tarot, they represent a fullness of life. The king has passed through hardships, has witnessed horrors and felt joy and now it’s their time to take that knowledge to look to the safety and happiness of others.

(You’ll notice that the ‘good’ versions of this character tend not to imprison, shackle or dictate to said ‘others’ under the guise of protecting them but I’m digressing again.)

Conn-eda is literally named after the two best people in the kingdom. He is an agglomeration of the two and no matter what his wicked Stepmother did to him, he only ever repaid her with kindness. However, he has to confront the worst of society before he can become the flavour of ‘good’ that a king needs to be.

In the version told by the great Irish storyteller Abraham McCoy, he says that Conn was “good as well as great, and passionately loved by his people”. It’s not enough to be ‘Great’. Alexander was ‘Great’ and massacred thousands in the name of his ego. A king needs to be good. What if it’s his easy upbringing, his innate goodness that, left unchallenged and ignorant of the evils of the world, would make him actually a pretty rubbish king? 

What if - hear me out - we can take from this myth the need to face the worrisome elements of the world and do as the shabby poney told us to do: show no fear, prepare yourself.

Now, you might be thinking “bollocks, I don’t believe that kind of woo-woo!” and I’d be right there with you if I weren’t writing it! However, we need to think mythically. 

Conn-eda approaches each trial with kindness but he also steps up. The Druids in the story have knowledge of the geas the pony was under, they are manipulative (in this case) for the greater good. They are the characters who stand at the edge of the forest, meaning they’re the bridge between ‘human goodness’ and the dangers of Nature. They tell him to go to a mystical bird who gives him a magical piece of iron - the material most disliked by supernatural creatures because of its human manipulation - which leads him to the Otherworld. Even the Fairy King tells him to return at least once a year, which is what the real kings of history often did. Each ceremony that calls on a deity or a ‘divine right’ was a ‘visit’ to this mythical world / way of thinking. 

But I’m digressing again when I actually think the moral of the story is much simpler than that: Be kind. Or just don’t be a dick, whichever feels more mythic. 

Goodness - not strength, nor cleverness, nor being devastatingly right - is the point.

Think of it this way, if Conn-eda had been bad or even amoral, nobody would have given a shit about the rumours the Queen spread.

Then again, if the people of Connacht had social media where 90% of chatter came from the 10% of the loudest, most reactionary and vociferously aggressive people in Connacht it might not have mattered either way. But that’s just weird 21st century magical thinking where people consider the internet a “real place” but they can’t imagine an Otherworld … anyway.

The scene where the shabby pony - you know, the one he trusted, as if it were his instinct? - that scene could be read as Conn-eda sacrificing his ego for a result that was more … good. After all, we often trust our instinct right until the point it tells us that we’re wrong or we’ve made a mistake. Then Super-Ego swoops in and makes us double-down on said mistake, sometimes even trying to flip it and throw it onto somebody else.

Valuing goodness of all. Acknowledging our very real capacity to be - knowingly or otherwise - capable of not being good. And preparing for ‘dangers’ with an open heart.

This seems to be the point … or at least that’s what I reckon.

You?